Mask
by pdfish
Summary: ok... decided to add a chapter to it. Trowa and Wufei realized that they had misunderstood Duo after Quatre awoke. and Quatre was very upset with what had happened..hints of 1x2, 3x4
1. mask

Disclaimer: I don't owe gundam wing TT and I don't earn any profit from this fic…. But the story is mine!!!

Hi all! Hope you all enjoy this one-shot! It is about Duo and Heero…  
Well…I have been told that I am nagging so I think it is better to just read?

"What happened?" Trowa demanded angrily though he took Quatre's limp body from Duo, "Status?"

"We screwed up," Duo answered sheepishly, not meeting anyone's eyes, "and 04 sustained a concussion and some bruises."

To say the truth, his vision was blurred. He could hardly see the others even though he knew the lights were on. His whole body was hurting but he held on to his mask. He had to.

"I am sorry, guys. We got caught when we were almost out of the base," he said simply. Somehow, his mind could not think of anything to say now.

"You mean you screwed up. I doubt Winner will make any mistakes," Wufei started his rant, "this is injustice, Maxwell! The war might be just a game to you and your gundam is your toy. But the rest of us here take the war seriously! Let me guess, the mission failed because you were playing? Or you made a reckless move? It is this attitude that makes you the weakest link in our group! And what's more is that you hurt your comrade due to this attitude of yours! Don't you think you should be responsible?"

_Game…Toy…Reckless…Weakest… Hurt comrade… _Duo thought sadly, _so that's how they thought of me. Maybe my mask was too good? Or am I really that bad? Am I really that worthless?_

_Yet the mask had to be there,_ Duo decided as he tried to summon a fake grin and think of a smart reply like he always did. To hide the pain that he felt from those words. However, he swayed a little and his mind could not think of anything.

"I am sorry, guys. Maybe I should have held on to the disk," Duo answered as he added mentally_, and not give it to Quatre. Then he would not have dropped it and we would not be discovered._

Without a word, a punch was thrown into his face. He could not see who did it but he knew it had to be Trowa. After all, Trowa cared a lot about Quatre.

"Stop it, Barton," Duo heard Heero yell as he stood up slowly.

_I deserved it, _Duo thought_, it's my duty to look out for Quatre. Moreover, I can't have them think it's Quatre's fault. Let me take the blame. However, I still have to keep my mask. God, it's so tiring. I think I am slipping away. Must go to the room as soon as possible._

"I say I'm sorry! Isn't it enough? I am going back to my room!" Duo yelled angrily.

Without waiting for an answer, he turned and started to walk in the direction of the outline of the stairs towards his room.

_One foot in front of the other. Yes, Duo, you can do it. Just a little more. After the stairs, turn right. Yes, slowly. One foot in front of another, _Duo thought

After what seemed like hours of moving his feet through sheer will, he had finally managed to grab the knob on his room door or at least he thought was his room. He could no longer see anything.

Once he opened the door, his world became dark and he fell limply on the floor.

Downstairs, Wufei was still ranting about the injustice of giving a gundam to an irresponsible boy while Heero was suppressing the urge to punch Wufei right in the face. That might stop the boy from ranting about things he did not know about and teach him not to insult Duo again.

_But then the perfect soldier will not do that, _Heero thought_, the perfect soldier will not punch his comrade just because that person is ignorant and rude. No, the perfect soldier will just ignore the ranting and continued with what he is doing. And I am the perfect soldier_.

_But then again, I hate this perfect soldier thing,_ Heero thought angrily, _why must I be the perfect soldier? Follow my emotions, that is what Odin had thought me yet, being the perfect soldier means having no emotions. So what am I supposed to follow? Why must I be the one to be deprived of having emotions? To be the perfect soldier?_

"He had to reflect on his actions! This is injustice that…" Wufei's words were really irritating Heero but on the outside, Heero made no show of his annoyance.

"I am going back to my room," he said in a monotone and started towards his room without waiting for an answer.

_Maybe it is my duty to be the perfect soldier and Duo to be the joker?_ Heero continued his thoughts as he walked towards his room, _speaking of Duo, there was something wrong about him just now. Maybe the failure of the mission was not his fault. Duo treats all his missions seriously as he does to everything though he does everything with a smile or a joke._

To say the truth, Heero was quite intrigued with the braided pilot. He had researched the pilot's past. There was almost nothing but Duo did say he was from L2 and his name was of great significant to himself. The name Maxwell Heero could relate to anything from L2 was the Maxwell Church Massacre. If Duo was the sole survivor mentioned in the news, then how could he act so cheerful?

Then again, sharing a room with the braided pilot a couple of times enabled him to observe the boy more often. When Duo thought that no one is around, he is very different from what he usually acts. He is quiet and seems to be deep in thoughts. Heero knows this as a fact. He had spent quite a number of times observing the boy without the boy knowing his presence. Master stealth, the boy might be but he was not as good as Heero when it comes to detecting other people's presence.

It was like a mask the braided boy wore when he was around the others. A happy joking mask to hide his real self. Like him, Heero hides all his true emotions behind his perfect soldier mask. Death glares and threats.

It was then he realized that Duo might be hurt. He did not stay and tease Chang about his ranting or to make sure Quatre was okay. He did not even report his own status. He had retreated to his room quickly.

_That baka! Didn't he know he should let the others know about his injuries? After all, isn't he the one who always fusses over each of our injuries everytime one of us comes back from our missions?_ Heero ranted mentally.

Duo is always jumping around, asking everyone how they are feeling. It did annoy him as the braided baka shot questions after questions at him. But no matter how he threatened Duo, Duo does not give up until he is sure he is alright or that he is fine. Yet only Quatre is the only one who always asks about Duo. And that said person was now unconscious.

Just as he was about to knock on Duo's door, he realized that Duo did not have a first aid kit in his room. They had only managed to find three of them. The rest of the kits were in their own gundams. He was supposed to share one with Duo until they could find more of these kits.

Cursing silently, he made his way to his own room. However, as he opened his door, he tripped over something lying across the floor. Instinctively, he switched on his lights with one hand while the other hand grabbed his gun in seconds.

Once his vision adjusted in to the light quickly, he realized in shock that he had tripped over Duo.

Duo was lying on the floor, not moving.

Shocked, he kneeled down and checked the pilot's pulse. He was relieved when he found the weak but definite pulse. Gently, he carried the pilot and put him down on his bed. Then he went to retrieve the first aid kit in his bathroom.

He shook the braided pilot tenderly, trying to wake him up to get his status report. He did not want to touch his wounds or anything. From what he could see and smell, he was sure that the baka was not bleeding.

"Duo, wake up," he said as he shook the braided pilot.

After a few minutes of shaking, Duo finally opened his eyes and stared at Heero, confusion showing in his eyes for a few seconds before they focused on Heero.

"Heero?" he asked, "what are you doing in my room?"

"Baka, you are in my room," Heero replied in a monotone, "status?"

"I am fine! I am just tired!" Duo managed a grin though he was feeling pain all over his body.

"Hn," Heero snorted in disbelief. He could see the pain in Duo's eyes. It was really like a mask. A broken one since Duo was in to much pain to hold the mask together. He just had to know how to look past that mask.

"Status or I could just strip you and discovered that myself, and I still want to hear your report on the mission," Heero commanded.

"Fine," Duo answered, "just some bruises, nothing I can't take care of. We went in, got the data, disk dropped, discovered, got caught, got beaten up, got out, came back and mission failed."

Duo said quickly, trying not to give in to his pain and weariness. One of his ribs might have broken since the pain in his chest was so overwhelming. He could hardly breathe. He was trying so hard to slow his breathing to ease the pain. Moreover, his eyelids were so heavy. Yet, he had to keep up his mask. After all, he is happy cheerful and irritating Duo.

"Baka," Heero scolded, "just admit you are in pain."

"No way. I run, I hide, but I never lie! So I'm fine!" Duo protested as Heero tried to unbutton his shirt.

"You don't lie. You only leave out things that are important," Heero stated in a deadpan as he looked at the bruises across Duo's chest, "where else?"

"Only the chest," Duo answered, wincing as Heero shifted him a bit to wrap bandages around him, "and the head where Trowa hit me just now."

"I think one of your ribs might be fractured. You will need to have Sally or Trowa to look at it later. Now breathe shallowly and don't move so much," Heero ordered, "what exactly happened?"

"Huh?" Duo asked, confused.

"How you got the bruises? How Quatre got hurt?" Heero asked as he finished shifting Duo on the bed.

"Well, we got caught and then they handcuffed me and Quatre from the ceiling and all," Duo answered jokingly, "well, I think my mouth doesn't like myself. As usual, they got angry and started to beat me up. But they only managed for a short time before they were called away. By then I got the key and we got out. We took a truck and dashed off with Oz, hot on our tail. I think Quatre hit his head as I turned the truck too quickly. He did not use the seatbelt. So moral of the story is to use a seatbelt?"

Heero snorted in reply. Only Duo could joke about a mission. However, Duo's thoughts seemed a bit incoherent. He could see that he seemed to be in pain but was hiding behind his mask.

_As usual. Use his mask to hide. What's ne_w? Heero thought sarcastically.

"The disk?" Heero asked. Somehow he knew that Duo was not telling him the whole thing.

"I did not hold on to the disk," Duo replied with a sheepish grin, "I am sorry. But I had destroyed the information at Oz base. The disk was destroyed before they could get it back."

_He's hiding something. He kept using the word "held on" and not "dropped". He never lie but he hides_, Heero thought as he continued to ask in a monotone, "did you drop the disk?"

"I told you I should have held on to the disk!" Duo snapped as he cursed mentally, _Shit! did Heero know I am hiding? How? Isn't my mask holding? _

"I ask you, 02, did you drop the disk or not?" Heero pressed on.

_He had to know he can stop hiding with me. Not for his sake but mine as well. Everytime he hides, there is this pain in my heart. Like I am upset that he does not trust me. I want him to trust me. Shit! I am not supposed to be feeling this_, Heero cursed himself mentally but on the outside, he was glaring at the braided pilot.

"I…I…it's my fault, okay?" Duo tried weakly.

"Yes or no?" Heero smirked, knowing that Duo could not lie or hide with a direct question. It was easy to exploit Duo's motto of "I run. I hide but I never lie."

"No," Duo murmured quietly, "I passed it to Quatre."

"Okay, so it's Winner who dropped it?" Heero just said quietly.

"It was not Quatre's fault that he dropped! It was a mistake anyone could make!" Duo defended his friend as he winced in pain. He really should not be shouting.

"If it's not Quatre's fault, it is even less likely to be your fault," Heero said simply.

"Heero… do you think I am really worthless?" Duo asked hesitantly.

Wufei's words started to echo in his mind, _reckless… the weakest link_…

"Baka," Heero merely scolded.

"Maybe Wufei is really right. I mean everything I do, someone gets hurt. I am the weakest here?" Duo said self mockingly.

"You're not, Duo. Ignore Chang," Heero glared at Duo. In his mind, he wished that he had really punched Wufei for all the nonsense he had been ranting.

"Heero, can I ask you a favor?" Duo asked seriously. He did not know why he was going to do that. But somehow, he knew he could trust Heero.

"Hn," Heero answered as Duo tried to sit up, "baka! What are you doing?"

"Heero…can…you don't look at me for five minutes and lend me your shoulder?" Duo said softly.

"Duo?" Heero asked with a hint of confusion though he did shift a bit to allow Duo to lean on his shoulder without causing more pain to his chest.

"Please, Heero, don't look at me now? I will continue to smile by the end of the five minutes. Just a little while? I promise I will turn back… just let my mask mend? I am so tired…" Duo asked as Heero brought his hands up to hug the injured boy gently to provide some comfort.

"It's so tiring, Heero. I am so tired… I want to break the mask and throw it away. But I can't do that! It is a part of me that I cannot survive without. But I am so tired and I don't want to do this anymore…" Duo murmured softly.

"Am I really the weakest link? Am I the one who keep hurting others? I tried so hard to make sure the others are safe yet everyone I care about kept getting hurt? I am trying, Heero but it's so hard and I don't know if there is anyone in the world who appreciate my effort… but I can't stop trying… it's like giving up… but everytime I care about someone… the person dies… why?" Duo muttered.

"Solo… Father Maxwell… Sister Helen… maybe I should not be close to any of you like what Wufei had said I m hurting my friends. You might die like the others I care about. Maybe I should not be here. After all… I only create chaos and pain," Duo continued.

Heero could feel his shirt becoming damp but Duo made no sounds to indicate he's crying. To say the truth, Heero was stunned at the thought that Duo was crying.

_Is this the same cheerful mischievous boy that I have known? The boy that jokes and plays pranks on everyone? The pilot who cannot stop his chatter even in battles? _Heero asked himself,_ how can he manage to keep that mask up? How can he hide all his pain? I only see glimpses of it and maybe Quatre knows something about his feelings with his space heart. But the others… I don't think they even have a clue…_

"I'm sorry for being weak… but I have already tried so hard… it's so tiring…" Duo continued quietly. Heero thought he heard suppressed sobs.

_How long have you wear the mask, Duo? _Heero asked in his mind,_ how long?_

"I… I… thanks Heero. I think five minutes are up. I am sorry for letting you see me like that. I'm sorry. But don't worry. My mask is mended. I am back. Don't worry I won't let down my mask. Thanks and sorry," Duo babbled on as he pulled himself away from Heero. He could not look at Heero in his eyes.

_He must hate me for being such a coward. I am so weak. And I cry. Big boys don't cry, _Duo scolded himself mentally,_ but it felt so good to be comforted by someone._

"I think I will go to sleep," Duo said as he added mentally, _if everything fails, hide. Talk in the morning or some other time._

"I'm not sorry," Heero said in a monotone that caused Duo to look into his eyes.

"Huh?" he could not understand what Heero was implying.

"I'm not sorry for what you just did. And you should not be too," Heero said again.

"Heero?" Duo was confused and lost. He could not process Heero's words. His mind was tired and his eyelids were dropping as Heero shifted him gently back to lie on the bed.

"It's good to let out your emotions and you are not the weakest link. Chang was ranting nonsense. Now go to sleep," Heero said tenderly.

"Heero?" Duo could not help thinking that it was not reality. Heero Yuy does not speak gently!

"Just go to sleep, Baka," Heero said again as he switched off the light and ready to exit the room. Looks like he had to spend the night in Duo's room instead.

"Wait, Heero!" Duo called out, wincing once again at the pain.

_Why is it so hard to remember not to shout? I must really like to hurt myself, _he thought darkly.

"Yes?" Heero answered.

"Can you stay with me?" Duo asked hesitantly. Somehow, he felt safer when Heero was around and with Heero, he did not have to worry about nightmare, "it's okay if you don't want to. I am just being an idiot."

Heero snorted but he walked towards Duo and shifted Duo a bit before holding him gently. He made sure that he was not hurting Duo. Duo tried to say something but he was cut off by a yawn.

"Go to sleep, baka," Heero said, "just know that you might have a strong mask but I have a stronger hammer."

"Heero?" Duo asked, surprised.

"Don't keep your mask. It's not healthy to wear it all the time. One day, I will break your happy mask." Heero merely said.

_Is he saying that he could see my mask? Is he saying that he does not like me wearing the mask all the time? Does that mean that he cares about me? _Duo thought happily.

"Heero, does that mean that I could break your perfect soldier mask someday? The mask does not suit you," Duo replied quietly.

Heero's eyes widened in the dark, _he could see through my mask as well? I did not know he knew about the perfect soldier mask._

"Hn," Heero did not know what to say.

"Ne, Heero, can I use a scythe instead of a hammer? Scythe is much cooler," Duo said as he drifted off to sleep.

"Baka," Heero scolded lightly though a smile was on his face. Too bad Duo could not see the smile.

"One day, we can throw our masks all away, Baka. Oyasumi nasai," Heero whispered gently as he too drifted off to sleep.

Okay! Finished… thanks for reading! Is the story okay? I am sorry for any grammatical errors! I will try my best to improve! What do you think? Do you think I should continue to write about how Trowa and Wufei reacted when Quatre woke up and told them they are wrong? Please review! Thanks a lot!


	2. christmas

Ok, I decided to type a sequel to it… maybe a few chapters more? Well… depending on the reviews I receive…

Disclaimer: I don't owe gundam wing T_T and I don't earn any profit from this fic…. But the story is mine!!!

"Duo!" Quatre screamed fearfully as he sat up. However, bright rays of light made him shut his eyes quickly.

"It's okay. You are safe now," Trowa's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Trowa?" Quatre asked as he opened his eyes slowly this time, "where's Duo? He's alright, isn't he?"

"Yes. I think he's in his room," Trowa replied in a monotone.

"Good. It's all my fault. If I had not dropped that stupid disk, we would not have been discovered! I can't believe I am this stupid!" Quatre said angrily as he tried to stand up.

"What do you mean?" Wufei asked from the door. He had heard Winner's voice and decided to take a look.

"Huh? I mean it was my fault… Duo had to do a lot to get us out of there. We were captured yet somehow he was able to escape and save me. Guess I should have taken those lock-picking skills from him. It's all my fault!" Quatre answered as he noticed the shock looks on both Trowa and Wufei's faces, "what's wrong?"

"But… but you were unconscious…?" Wufei asked as he was beginning to regret his actions towards the other pilot. Had he wrongly accursed his fellow comrade?

"Another stupid thing I did! It's bad enough that I can't drive a Jeep. I could not even grab the pole tightly and slipped, hitting myself out! I am so pathetic!" Quatre answered in disgust, "I hate myself!"

"You…" Wufei was at a loss of words and Trowa was not much better. He was looking at the blonde pilot in shock. Well, after all both of them had wrongly accursed their fellow pilots. Thinking back, Maxwell did not say anything. He was the one who started ranting and Trowa just threw that punch.

"Wait! You need to stay in bed," Trowa protested weakly as Quatre stood and started to walk out of the room, not realizing that the other two were not acting themselves.

"I'm fine! I need to apologize to Duo! It's all my fault! Is he okay? He took quite a beating. His ribs seemed to be hurting earlier. How long was I out?" Quatre asked worriedly before realizing something was amiss, "what's wrong? Did something happen to Duo?"

"No. I think he's alright. He should be in his room," Wufei answered numbly as he tried to suppress the guilt that seemed intent to surface.

"Okay," Quatre answered skeptically as he made his way out of the room, leaving the other two pilots in their silent guilt.

"Barton…" Wufei called out hesitantly at the other pilot after a long silence.

"I think I need to apologize," Trowa said quietly, "you too."

"I know… but he… he did not correct us," Wufei argued weakly, _this is injustice! Maybe I should not have assumed that it was Maxwell's fault. But how was I to know that the boy was not in the wrong with the way he was acting? Maxwell was so immature and childish. He was weak and he did not know anything! He did not know how important this war is! He did not know how cold the touch of death is…he didn't, did he? After all, all of us had killed before including Winner. He had even claimed himself to be Shinigami…Maybe… had I been wrong?_

"Did we give him the chance?" Trowa asked quietly, _did we even try to get to know him other than assuming him to be a happy clown?_

_Maybe I was really wrong…_ Wufei thought guiltily, "I… I …need to think… alone…"

"What do you mean?" Quatre's voice questioned them sharply from the doorway.

Quatre had peeked into Duo's room quietly. He did not want to wake the pilot up if he was asleep. However, moonlight filtering into the room told him the room was empty. Where was Duo?

_Maybe he's hiding again?_ Quatre had thought fearfully. Duo always has a habit of disappearing at times. Once, he managed to catch him before he did. It was then he realized that the braided pilot was injured. At that time, he scolded him and in a way as Duo had said "mother-hen" him almost to death for the rest of his recovery.

It was then he started observing the other pilot. He realized that though the pilot was bugging everyone about their health after missions, he kept quiet about his own injuries. Since then, he made sure to ask Duo about his status after every single mission. It was bad of him to take advantage of Duo's never lying promise but he felt that the least he could do as his comrade was to look after his health.

Fearful of what might have happened to Duo, Quatre had dashed back to find Wufei and Trowa discussing on what seemed to be the need of an apology to Duo. Something was really not right.

"Quatre?" both of them turned towards the room in surprise. Neither of them had heard Quatre's return.

"What happened? And why is Duo not in his room?" Quatre snapped. The two of them had done something and instinct told him it was not something good.

"I… we… we thought it was his fault," Wufei answered nervously, "he did not correct us so we thought we were right and…"

"So I guess you started to rant about his weaknesses or something? How could you all just assume it's his fault? After all, it's more probable to be mine since I am green about this type of missions?" Quatre snapped at the black-haired pilot, "how could you just say it's his fault when he's the expert at this field?"

"How was I to know that? He was so unprofessional! Everything was about fun to him!" Wufei protested defensively, "not only that, he was always so immature! So childish! So... cheerful... Does he know how much pain this war is causing to people? Does he know the hurt of the loss of beloved? Did he know how much other people are suffering? How can he call himself Shinigami? Does he even know the meaning of that word?"

_Yes, he did not know. If not, how could he act so cheerful? How could anyone be so cheerful… so alive…_Wufei thought as he was about to start yelling again.

However, he was cut off at the gun pointing at his eyes. He was shocked, speechless. The blonde pilot had pointed a gun at him. Out of the five of them, the blonde pilot was the one Maxwell had said to be the least "trigger-happy". He was the one who hated killing the most. Yet, he was pointing a gun at him, in his face.

"If you dare to say that again, or worse, say that in front of Duo, I will not hesitate to kill you," Quatre threatened in a low voice so unlike his normal voice, "I once overheard a conversation between Duo and Professor G. he called him the Maxwell demon and Duo told me his name reminded himself of the important events in his life on L2. What do you think?"

"Maxwell church?" Trowa gasped, surprised. Even he had known about the tragedy everyone was talking about it. There was only one sole survivor who had disappeared right after. Could it be? It could not, could it? He was actually with Chang. He always thought that the braided pilot was too loud, too cheerful, too… alive… but he knew that the other pilot had a hard life.

He did recognize how the other pilot tensed up sometimes, how his eyes looked so dead at times and more importantly, he recognized the look of despair his face showed once or twice when no one was looking. He had always convinced himself that it was just a trick of light. Maybe it wasn't?

"I... I need to apologize to him," Trowa said quietly, "Quatre, please keep your gun. Both Chang and I will apologize to Maxwell."

"What did you do?" Quatre asked calmly though he was seething inside. He might be angry that Chang had misunderstood Duo but Trowa too? Had all of them except him thought that Duo was useless? Was that how they viewed the other pilot?

Trembling in anger, he lowered his gun as he waited for Trowa's answer. He had thought that Trowa would understand the braided pilot. After all they were quite similar in a way. Both of them had this same aura that Quatre could not explain. It was different from the other three pilots. He did not know how to explain it but he thought it might have to do with each of their own past. Maybe he was wrong.

"I… hit him…" Trowa answered quietly, breaking the tense silence. Before he finished the sentence, he could already feel Quatre's wrath directed at him. He deserved it. After all, he did something terrible stupid. It was worse than Chang. Chang had only attacked Maxwell verbally but he had attacked him physically.

"I… you… I want nothing to do with you two! I… he was injured and you did nothing but made it worse instead? How? You… I… I hate you!" Quatre yelled harshly as he left the two shocked pilots alone in the room.

He could not believe them. These were people he thought was his comrades, his friends… his family… how could they hurt one of them so badly? Without any proof? With just assumptions? Had they meant so little to one another?

"Heero?" he called as he knocked at the Wing pilot's room. Maybe he knew where the other pilot was.

"Winner?" Heero's voice replied as the room opened a little, "what do you want?"

"Duo is missing! Do you know where he is? He might be injured! We need to find him quickly!" Quatre answered quickly.

"Keep your voice down!" Heero glared as he tried to slip out of the room quietly, "I barely managed to get him…"

However, his words were cut off before he could finish.

"Is that Quatre?" Duo's drowsy voice travelled across the room.

"Yes. Go back to sleep. You need the rest," Heero answered as he glared at Quatre.

"I'm fine, Heero," Duo argued as he tried to sit up, only to hiss in pain.

"Baka," Heero scolded though he did help Duo to sit up gently.

"Thanks," Duo grinned as he turned to Quatre with a grin, "so what can I do for you, Sir?"

"Duo… your face…" Quatre said quietly as he stared the bruise on Duo's face.

_Oops! He can see it even in the dark?_ Duo thought as he put on one of his patent grin, "well… I tend to be clumsy you know. It's okay. It will be gone in a few days."

"It… wasn't there when we escaped…" Quatre continued, still staring at that bruise as he tried to suppress his wrath at what Trowa had done to his comrade. How could he?

"Well… I collided with something," Duo said with a smile as Heero snorted at his answer.

_Yeah right. He collided right into Trowa's fist,_ Heero thought as he opened his mouth to explain to Quatre. After all, Quatre should know what had happened since it was partly his fault. However, he found himself keeping quiet when he saw Duo's pleading stare.

_That baka!_ Heero thought angrily, _why must he always think of everyone else except himself? Why must he always suffer in silence?_

However, Heero could not refuse Duo's silent plea to keep quiet. He understood his intentions. He did not want to cause a drift in the other pilots. Yet somehow, Heero felt anger stirring up in his heart. Why must the baka always be the one to get all the blame? Why must he try so hard?

"Duo… I already know," Quatre's words broke through Heero's thought, "you might not lie but I can tell when you skirted around the truth."

_Yeah, his tone changed to a bit too innocent_, Heero thought absent-mindedly, _Quatre sure is observant. _

However, that was not what Duo was thinking, _Damm_, _I did not want Quatre to know. It might spark off an argument or worse break the team. I could not allow that to happen. _

"I'm okay, Q," Duo assured Quatre as he smiled faintly, "Heero, do you mind…"

"I will go and get Trowa. You need to get your ribs look at. He's the most experienced out of the rest of us here," Heero answered Duo's unspoken question.

"Thanks," Duo smiled as Heero walked out of the room, giving the two of them some privacy.

"It's all my fault. It's my fault! I'm so sorry, Duo!" Quatre cried as soon as Heero left the room.

"Q?" Duo called quietly, "it's not your fault. It's just an accident."

_It was just an accident. It was definitely not Quatre's fault that the two of them assumed it was my fault,_ Duo thought as he hugged the other pilot.

"No! It's my fault! And they… you… how could they do that? I hate them!" Quatre cried as he pulled away from Duo's hug. He did not deserve it. Duo should be angry at him, not comforting him!

"Quatre!" Duo snapped as he made the other pilot look at him, "do you really mean it?"

"Mean what?" Quatre was confused. He knew Duo was going to be angry at him but what did he mean?

"Do you really hate them?" Duo asked in a monotone, "think carefully. From your heart! Do you really hate them?"

"I…I… I don't know… I was just so angry…" Quatre replied uncertainly. There was something strange about Duo. It was seldom that he lost his temper like this.

"Don't say things like that when you don't mean it, Quatre," Duo said quietly, "don't say such things if you don't mean it…"

This time, it was Duo who refused to meet Quatre's eyes. He seemed so depressed.

"Duo?" Quatre called out, touching Duo's face gently, "are you alright?"

"It's not your fault? Or any of the others, okay?" Duo said softly, "just don't say things like that to anyone if you don't mean it."

"Why? What's wrong, Duo? I… I had already yelled at Trowa and Wufei that… so it's a bit too late now… but Duo, what's wrong?" Quatre asked as Duo turned his face away.

"Duo?" Quatre shifted slightly to look at his eyes, being careful enough not to touch the other pilot for fear of causing him pain, "Talk to me?"

"I… it's nothing. And everything that happened is not your fault, okay?" Duo said quietly as he plastered a smile on his face. A smile that did not reach his eyes.

"Quit hiding, Duo! You don't lie but you hide everything with that dammed mask! Sometimes, it makes me want to just use my gun and shot that stupid mask!" Quatre exploded, "Stop doing that! Can't you see what you are doing? You are only hurting yourself!"

"I… Quatre? Calm down, will you?" Duo spoke gently, surprised at the anger Quatre was showing.

"I will promise to apologize to them later, Duo. But first, you must tell me what makes you so depressed. I know I shouldn't force you but it's not healthy, Duo. Bottling all your feelings will make them worse and eat you alive someday," Quatre spoke quietly, "and it hurts, you know. Not only to you, but to me. To the rest of us. I don't know about the two idiots now but to Heero and I, it hurts when you hide your pain, refusing to let us help."

"Q, happiness deserves to be shared but pain is to be suffered alone?" Duo tried to argue weakly though he found himself unable to summon one of the grins he always faked.

"You know, I actually thought we can be one family, a dysfunctional one but a family. However, after this, I'm not so sure. I always thought of you as my brother, you know. The one who share and care for me. The one I can share and care with," Quatre smiled gently, "that's why it hurts when you were falsely accursed. That's why it hurts when you hide things from me. From us! Can't you see how special you are to us? To me? You are a friend, a comrade, a brother to me!"

"Family?" Duo whispered quietly, "I used to have one or two. But now, I don't know. I like to think we are a family as well, Q. but it still hurts when I thought of my families. I lost them and it hurt. It really hurt. But if you really care about everyone of us, Quatre, please will you apologize to them for what you say? Please? I promise to tell you why I was a bit upset if you promise me."

"I promise but after they apologize to you, Duo," Quatre spoke firmly. He admitted he might be too harsh with the two of them but he could not stop himself after what they had done to his friend, his savior, his brother…

"I… I said it once to someone… heck, I yelled at him that I hate him. And then he died… in my arms… I didn't get the chance to apologize, Quatre! He just… he just…. It's my fault! If only I had been faster! If only I… he must hate me… even till the end… he must have hate me! I was so stupid! After all he did for me… I said I hate him. I am one ungrateful streetrat! I hate myself, Quatre! I hate myself! They were right, you know. I screwed everything up even if it was unintentional," Duo continued to babble on and on as he recalled over and over the day when he yelled at Solo and when Solo finally died in his arms.

"Oh, Duo," Quatre could feel himself crying as he tried to console the other pilot. The hurt. The pain. The lack of forgiveness. He could understand actually. His relationship with his father had always been one of his regrets. However, he did not actually yell at his father that he hated him. But he could imagine the pain.

Anger boiled within Quatre as he heard the way Duo was blaming himself. He was suffering from what the two of them had done. However, to be fair, he was the one who had started this. Not only had he dragged this out from Duo, he had also be the reason for what the two of them had done to him. If he had not screwed up that stupid mission, nothing would have happened.

"I… was trying so hard, Q. I'm sorry for breaking down like this. I thought I was okay already after that few minutes with Heero. How come it's getting more and more difficult? Why is it more difficult to put on my mask now?" Duo muttered quietly though he refused to look at Quatre.

"It's because we trust each other, Duo," Quatre squeezed Duo's hands encouragingly, "you are my brother. That's why you can talk to me. Cry in front of me. Laugh at me. Yell at me. Would you be my brother? I never had a brother. You are the closest to the one I would imagine for a brother."

"Really? you want to be my brother?" Duo asked in surprise as he turned his gaze away from the blanket to meet Quatre's eyes, "that's what Solo used to say we are... were…brothers since he practically raised me."

"Yes, I'm sure, Duo," Quatre answered surely as he noticed the hope glimmering in Duo's teary eyes. He realized how much the other pilot wishes for a sense of belonging. At the same time, he felt honored that he wanted to be his brother. He was such a brilliant and strong individual. If only, he could see it.

"Then you be my family?" Duo could not help asking.

He knew he sounded like a weak vulnerable child but he did not care. It was a long time since he had cried in front of someone. Yet in the space of less than a day, he had cried twice. Once in front of Heero and now Quatre. Maybe it was because he trusted them? With Quatre, it was like taking care of one of the little one in his gang or at the church.

However, with Heero, he did not know how to describe that feeling. He had stirred some weird feelings within him. He just knew he wanted Heero to be happy more than anyone else.

"Yes, you can be my family. Though it will be a big family with my twenty-nine sisters," Quatre smiled, breaking Duo's thoughts, "we can be the family you used to have. Like at the church or the gang."

"The church? You know?" Duo asked as he noticed Quatre's blush.

"I happened to overhear a conversation," Quatre answered quietly, "it's an accident."

"It's okay. I was on the streets since I could remember. Solo found me and raised me, I guess. Though he was a kid himself, at that time. He was my first family. We were a gang as well as a family. You know, Solo used to say, we may not be a family by blood but we are a family by choice so we have to be closer. Then he … died… after some months of dodging, we did a stupid thing but we got the best thing that happened to us. Father Maxwell took us in. Then I got my second family and then…" Duo could no longer continue as he lost himself in memories again.

"Well, then we can be a family okay?" Quatre said firmly as he smiled brightly, "okay, little brother?"

"Hey!" Duo protested, "why am I the little brother? If anything, you are younger than me."

"Well, I know my birthday and you don't," Quatre smirked.

"Oh? What makes you think that I don't know when your birthday is?" Duo argued, "when's your birthday anyway?"

"December 12th," Quatre answered, "so when's yours?"

"Well… I just guess mine June 12th then," Duo replied cheekily.

"Then you can be my older brother then," Quatre sighed before he realized something, "what do you mean by you guess? Duo Maxwell!"

"You already said I am older!" Duo stuck his tongue out in retort as he shifted slightly.

"You! Fine. Only for now, sooner or later we are going to find out your birthdate. With today's technology, I don't believe we can't do that. And then you will be my little brother, then," Quatre really wanted to have a younger sibling. After all he was tired of being the youngest.

"You wish!" Duo smiled. All of a sudden, it was as if something had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt better. At least mentally, his ribs were killing him now.

Quatre noticed his slight wince as he started to shift Duo back to his lying position, hoping to put less strain on his ribs. Duo really needed to get his ribs looked at as well as some sleep. He looked tired but it could also be due to his mental drain.

"Quatre," Duo said softly as he laid down, "do you really think we can be a family?"

"Yes, Duo," Quatre answered, "well, if those two can find the screws they lost in their heads, we will be one."

Duo laughed at Quatre's choice of words, "you know, Q, I think I am rubbing off you. Anyway, it's neither their faults nor your fault, you know. Remember to apologize to them, okay? With our missions, you don't want it to be one of the regrets in your life. And I know one of them has a special place in your heart."

"Duo!" Quatre protested as he blushed. How could Duo know?

"Anyway," Duo continued in a softer voice, "to have a family, it's one of my childhood dreams a long time ago. I remembered, peeking through the windows on Christmas. A family was sitting round the fireplace, laughing, singing, talking. Then the children squealed in joy as they opened presents under the Christmas three. It was warming. I hope to get that one of the days. But I was content too, you know. With Solo, we have to live on the streets and we barely had essentials. Then at the church, we were poor but Father Maxwell and Sister Helen tried their best. I was fighting this war to give such Christmas to everyone, even the orphans on the streets and also myself."

"Duo…" Quatre called softly as Duo turned his gaze towards the moon outside the windows.

"Do you think this day will come? Can everyone be happy? Can I have a family where we can sit together, doing what we like comfortably and enjoying every Christmas we have?" Duo asked quietly and Quatre thought he saw a lone tear flowing down Duo's cheeks.

"Yes, Duo. The day will come," Quatre smiled though Duo still did not look at him, "and for that, I will apologize to them. We will keep the family together, okay?"

"Yeah," Duo answered as he closed his eyes.

"Sleep well, my brother," Quatre said quietly as he tucked the blanket around him, "I promise the day will come."

With that, he stood up to walk out of the room, stopping at the corridor where the other three pilots were standing. However, Quatre did not seem surprised at all at the presence of the other three of them. He had heard them somewhere during the conversation he was having with Duo. Luckily, Duo was into much torment to detect their presences.

He looked at the two pilots, "well… I promise Duo and I must do what is right… I am sorry for yelling out things I don't mean. I was just angry…"

"I… no… you did nothing wrong. I was the one who did the injustice. I should be the one who is apologizing. To you and to Maxwell," Wufei said quietly. He had heard everything and now his mind was in chaos. He did not know what to think. He had misjudged the other pilot so much yet the other pilot still trusted him, wanting him to belong to his family.

"Yes. It's my fault, not yours, Quatre," Trowa continued after Wufei, "I need to check on his injuries and apologize to him. And I can only hope that both of you can forgive me sometime."

"I forgive you, Trowa if only you forgive me," Quatre replied as he smiled in relief.

"If you are all finished with this game of apologizing, I need to get into my room. And don't any of you wake him up. Give him an hour of rest before you check on him, Barton," Heero glared at the rest of them before entering the room silently.

"You know, one day, we will be able to sit around and enjoy Christmas as what Duo had described. And every Christmas after that," Quatre said quietly as he looked at the closed door to Heero's room.

"Yes, I am sure that will come true," Trowa replied determinedly.

"Yes, I will do it on my honor. If you excuse me, I have a lot to think about," Wufei said as he turned and walked back to his room to do some mediation.

"Soon, soon, the day will come, Duo." Heero whispered in the room as he sat down beside the bed, looking at the sleeping angel next to him, "very soon, the day will come and I want to spend every single one of it with you."

Outside, the wind blew slightly and snowflakes started to descend quietly, covering the world in white.

Wrote this on Christmas day. Wishing everyone a belated merry Christmas and a happy new year. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I might be uploading another chapter soon if I can finish it…

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